Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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