Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He did a backflip because drugs
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