; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
