I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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