whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
