I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Panties = found
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
