I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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