Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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