paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
