dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
