I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
