There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
