I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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