Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
