its not stalking. its research.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
