We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
