Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
