I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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