The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
