even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
