I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
