Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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