so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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