I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
