Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
