Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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