so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Bring me that man meat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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