I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Randomize
