Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
