why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
