Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
