i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
