so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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