And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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