you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
