i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
