I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i now understand why vodka
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
