I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
