I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
