The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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