If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
