do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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