Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
