talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
