Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
this just has baby written all over it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
