I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
