you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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