i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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