Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
