No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
