Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
