the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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